Heavenly Reminders: Nothing Happens By Chance, Nothing Is Random

Heyyy Friends!

It’s been a while! I must say, I’m constantly amazed when I check in to see that I still have followers! I call you all my faithfuls…here for more than just painted furniture and design. You’ve been instrumental in helping me along this journey called life and I give thanks for you!

Today marks seven months since my son passed away. My body wants me to curl up in bed and close myself off to the world but my heart wants me to share him! So, I’m gonna share some goodness with you, a heavenly reminder from my kid, who amazes me in spirit even more than he did in the flesh. It’s actually a post I’ve been trying to write for weeks but just couldn’t find the words…one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced in trying to keep my son’s voice alive! I never really feel like my words adequately convey the deep emotion or do him justice. Bare with me as  I try to make it all come together with written words.

I was leaving a job site several weeks back, rushing to get from one place to another when I got behind the slowest driver in Saline County! My “why today?” sigh to sent me straight into the pit of “why-ville”. Why-ville is a really shitty place, a valley along this journey that I hate to visit. Nonetheless, I find myself there periodically, questioning the universe about all the circumstances that make up my life…why me, why this, why NOW? The valley is full of doubt and fear and I’m determined to find a way to detour it. For now, I just work as hard as I can to not get stuck there. #transparency

So, the super slow driver finally turns {at the pace of a turtle, y’all} and I rejoiced, only to meet another frustration a few blocks later at the four way stop! The guy to my left stopped lonnnng before me but just sat there. Our eyes met as we were waiving one another to go ahead and in that moment, he reminded me of Todd. He had thick curly hair that was stuffed under a cap and the way he waived me on, in such a laid back way sent chills throughout my body. I sat there frozen for what seemed like forever until he slowly proceeded out into the intersection, turning in front of me. As soon as he turned I noticed this in his back window:
Todd Allen Davis

A SKATEBOARD! All the wheels were spinning and my heart almost pounded out of my chest! I raced ahead to get a closer look but didn’t get to follow for long. He turned just a few blocks later on Mann Rd, sending me into full blown tears! Todd Allen Davis
“Man”, drawn out in his mellow, laid back voice, was a word Todd used all the time. He called people by it, added it into sentences and almost always ended an interaction with “take it easy, mann”. That on top of the skateboard was just too much to bare. I pulled my car over and wept, sinking deeper into the valley of  “why-ville”! He comforted me in that moment and as he’d done so many times before, he used a familiar object to communicate a powerful message.

You see, just a few weeks before Todd left to go on tour with his band, he spent $200 on a skateboard I’d encouraged him not to buy. He’d worked hard to save his money for their tour and I saw the skateboard as a total waste of money. And even though he’d owned a board since he was seven and never really had any major accidents, it was something that always concerned me. He was grown though so I just did that head shake thing, like, okay. Your money, kid!Todd Allen Davis

At 9:30 on the night of June, 22, 2016, just a few weeks into the tour, Todd fell off the board and broke his right hand in three places. I can’t even describe my level of anxiety and panic getting that call! He was in Galveston, Texas which felt like a million miles away. It was the first time as a mother I felt completely and utterly helpless! I wanted him home right then and tried to get him to fly out the next morning but he insisted on pushing through and continuing the tour as a one handed drummer. I was worried but I’m so glad he pushed on. He played a few more shows and got to experience some amazing things including “finding his tribe” in New Orleans. He made it all the way to Florida before the pain got to be too much. Plane tickets were a fortune and he didn’t want to put me out so he convinced me to just get a bus ticket. That’s when his two day journey home began. He walked over 25 miles in the sweltering heat of Florida and Alabama, rode on a crowded bus for over 30 hours, and spent countless hours at bus terminals, all with zero pain relief. I’d waited up on him and could barely keep my eyes open as I drove but that all changed when I saw his sweet face! He was standing on the corner with a smile almost as big as his fro and a shirt that read ” Enjoy Life & Live”. We had a good laugh about the irony of the shirt given his last few days in it. The bus wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be but he had no complaints. He was so thankful to home. We spent the ride home talking about all the cool people he got to meet and how his shirt and artfully decorated cast prompted much conversation. I got him fed and cleaned up before capturing this sweet pic:Todd Allen Davis

I’d never been so happy to watch him sleep! The next few months were rough. He had two surgeries to repair the bones and tendons. He had a pin sticking out the top of his hand for six weeks which he swore was picking up some sort of radio frequency that radiated through his hand. He went through some hellacious rehab too but he did it all with a smile…living up to the sentiment on his new favorite shirt.

I told you all that to say this…that same skateboard I was so pissed about Todd buying, made everything I just told you about possible. It led him home to me, right where he was suppose to be. It gave me four of the best months I’ve ever experienced with Todd and memories that will cherish forever. A cardiac rythym disorder which could have taken him at any time on his journey spared him until he was here with me. Unlike Galveston, I was able to get to him on October 12th when he called. I got to comfort my baby on his way out of this world. I got to hear “I love you, mom” one last time. As painful and traumatic as his last moments were and still are for me, they are moments many grieving parents were never afforded.

I was meant to be behind the slow driver that busy day. He made it possible for me to meet the guy at the four way stop. My kid needed me at that intersection at that very moment to see that skateboard.  As I sat on the side of that country road, I heard him loud and clear:

You don’t have to know all the answers, mom! Nothing happens by chance. Nothing is random. Just know the ending is already worked out…for your good! Enjoy Life & LIVE!

When I tell you he was ever present after that, I mean it! He has held my hand through so many “whys” in the last month and has given me signs daily to reiterate the point. I guess that presence and constant push to share the message is what led me to pull my car off the interstate last Thursday and post this.

Todd Allen DavisThe next morning, I woke up to several Facebook “like” notifications and a new friend request, all from the same person. My eyes were still adjusting to the bright screen but I could tell the profile bubble of the person had the ELAL t-shirts on them. My heart began to race and I clicked over quickly to find this: Todd Allen Davis

First of all, I’d posted that pic several times and even used the hashtag…this time though, another person was searching! That’s why I was led to share it at that exact time! It was meant to pop up in Eric’s feed! My mind was racing at the thought that this man remembered my kid and he used his WHOLE name!! Something that has become so important to me! I was a screaming, crying mess! I accepted the friend request and reached out to him immediately. So many things made more sense after conversing with him. Not just for me, but for Eric as well. The story Eric shared in his post and in our private conversations warmed my soul! That glowing face he described took me right back to that 2am bus pickup and made the skateboard message all the more significant! Todd was meant to continue on…that meeting was purposed!

I don’t care what anyone says, the spirit never dies! It continues on forever and is still used by our Creator to bless! Not only did this all come together to bless Eric {my baby made sure his inventory was returned} and I, it came to help me to wrap up the lesson I’ve been trying to put into words…one I knew Todd wanted me to share with others! I could hear his sweet voice say “here’s your blog post, mom”!

Enjoy Life & Live! Stop getting so caught up in the circumstances. Stop questioning the why! It’s ALL for a reason!

MAKES ME SHOUT!!!!

The boys and I got a sweet package from Eric today! Shirts with a sentiment that has grown to embody my son’s life! Tattoos have been inked with those words in his honor! Thank you for adding to Todd’s story, Eric and being used by God to drive home this lesson for me! I can’t wait to meet you!

Todd Allen Davis

Todd Allen Davis

Todd Allen Davis

P.S. There are only a few people on the planet who call me “Ang”…they are the folks who know me best! I’m glad my kid got to meet this soul! I hope he continues to do what God has placed in his heart. I hope he continues to fan the fire and dream big. Todd wants him to as well.

“What Do You See In Me”- an original song by Todd Allen Davis. Let it be, friends. #enjoylifeandlive #rollon #onpurposeforapurpose #OHTP #OliviasHopeandToddsPromise

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Sharon Basurto says:

    What a beautiful story about your amazing son. Thank you for sharing it. I know he is so proud of you for getting to this point. I’m sure he will continue to guide you and be an inspiration to you and others forever.

    • Sharon, your words give me life! It’s my goal to do just that! Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. You haven inspired me to keep pushing, listening, and sharing. Lots of love!

  2. Pam Kaufman says:

    Such a beautiful story. It makes me cry for the sadness and for the hopefulness of it. Life is good even though times are hard sometimes. You are an inspiration to all.

    • Thank you for reading, Pam. I pray his message will continue with you and inspire you always. I’m so thankful you are here for this season in my life. The kind support means so much.

  3. So moved by this Angela! There are not coincidences… only a giant puzzle that is too big to see as a whole, but when the pieces click into place… wow! It’s just amazing! Thinking of you and sending love your way! xoxox

  4. Angela, It’s been a few years since I contacted you to lend support when your Dad passed. I felt then that you were in the place and position you are for a reason greater than (do I remember correctly)? something about dust and furniture? I felt you are to share with others.
    When I looked you up recently and became aware of your loss I thought again she’s a kindred spirit with a journey to share. Your Son’s message to you and to all of us to chill, not fear and have faith is one I really needed to be reminded of today.
    May the God Lord keep you in His infinite peace that surpasses our own understanding.
    Joyce Stepancevich, Norton Shores, MI

    • Awe, Joyce…I give thanks for you again! Your support meant so much to me then and so much now. Divine connections never cease to amaze me. I’m so glad Todd’s message resonates with you. That brings my heart joy! I look forward to our continued shared journey! Lots of love!

  5. Mary McNeil says:

    Angela, I lost my sone on April 1, 2016.
    I understand your excutiatibg pain.
    Mother’s Day is especially painful.
    It’s so hard to wrap my head & heart around
    His never coming in with flowers & a card
    Saying “Happy Mother’s Day Mom!” ever again.
    I go through the what if & whys too.
    There are no answers. But there are
    signs that I receive from him often.
    Our boys are close by. I do miss talking & laughing
    With Brent & especially hugging him.
    I’m so very sorry for the loss of your
    Beautiful boy. We miss their specialness
    I hope you can find peace in your memories of Todd.
    Big hugs from a fellow grieving mother,
    Mary

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