This feels like such a foreign place to me, friends. It’s been so long since I’ve posted here. The summer months, though full of exciting projects, left me no time to blog. Between being mom, nurse, and house flipper, my days were spent! If you follow me on other social media platforms, you got a taste of those projects and the everyday craziness. You also know life as I knew it recently changed and brought business to a screeching halt. For those of you who don’t follow me elsewhere, please allow me to fill you in.
Todd Allen Davis. My first born son. The very best part of me. My heart. The most compassionate, loving human being I’ve ever met. He touched hearts, opened minds and changed perceptions. You couldn’t help fall in love with his witty sense of humor and sarcastic mouth. So smart. So genuine. So kind. He was an artist, a talented musician and used his gifts to bless others. He was a giver at heart and would defend a complete stranger when injustice or hate was felt. His friends were his family and the love he held for family was deep and strong. He LIVED his 21 short years to the widest, leaving his beautiful energy to be shared forever. I could go on and on praising him. He’s so worthy of it. Love on one another. Speak kindly. We aren’t promised one more breath.
All words I shared with close family and friends in the days after Todd’s passing. Two months have come and gone now and the pain is still so sharp it takes my breath away. To say I miss him is an understatement. He is missing from me and every morning I face the reality that I’ll never see him again this side of heaven. The longing to have him within my reach is so intense. It’s selfish, because I know he is in a much better place, but it’s how I feel. My emotions are just as raw now as they were then. For some reason, this blog just hasn’t felt like the place to share them. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been a blogger who shares too much of my personal life. I strive to keep it real and emotions don’t scare me but extending trust with the most tender parts of my soul is not something I do with ease. Transparent vulnerability is a beautiful thing but not all people see it as such. For that reason, I’ve been very careful with whom I share.
Perhaps my absence has left me feeling a little disconnected as well. In all honesty, I’ve never been a hardcore blogger. I don’t schedule out a months worth of posts or uphold a strict posting regimen. I’ve just always shared the work that moved me, inspired me, or told a story I felt someone else should hear. I’ve not worked on one single thing since October 12th that has felt “blog worthy” though. I’ve hardly even checked in to my business FB page! I’ve worked, because the world keeps spinning and bills must be paid, but it’s just been work. My passion to create is still very much alive but my desire to turn brokenness into beauty has shifted.
The story my heart longs to share right now is not that of a 100 year old dresser brought back to life. It’s one of a life that once grew inside me and showered me with love for almost 22 years. I want the world to know his face, his words, his passions, his dreams. I’ve been doing that on some level thru my personal social media accounts and have found it has helped others just as much as it helped me. It dawned on me last night as I read a sweet message from someone who never met Todd, I’m wasting this larger platform I’ve so graciously been afforded. Thousands upon thousands show up here each month. People from my neighborhood and across the world, all seeking DIY goodness, no doubt, BUT…what if one set of eyes needs to read something else? Something much more meaningful than painted furniture tips. Maybe that one person needs to know that life and all the emotions that come with it, will sometimes spill over into everything you do; completely consuming your existence, changing your course, and they’ll realize, it’s OKAY! That is where I am right now, friends. Wholly engrossed in another “comma moment”, but constantly reflecting, processing, learning, and growing! Growing in faith, growing in strength, and growing in purpose!
Grief, though it will touch every single person reading this at some point in life, is uncomfortable. I get it y’all and I’d never ask you stick around in discomfort. If you can push through the lump in your throat though and allow me to share, you will see this road holds more than just pain. It is riddled with intense joy, appreciation, and acceptance, too. Hell, sometimes all those things at the same time! I’m traversing each hill, valley, curve and detour in faith though! My eyes are fixed on the peace I know the journey will bring! I invite you to join me, to hold my hand as I walk the road no parent wants to walk alone. I welcome your support as I give purpose to Todd’s short, but meaningful and beautiful life! I’m breaking all my rules about sharing my personal life because my purpose is greater than my pain or comfort level. I now have a spirit to keep alive! It takes a village to raise ‘em and a village to keep their name alive beyond their appointed time here. Your presence and willingness to help me carry out Todd’s vision means the MOST to me. From the bottom of my broken heart, I thank you in advance.
I’m looking forward to finding that place of peace with you. Love you all, more than words. xo